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• One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil... Satan: "Why so glum?" Guy: "Why do you think? I'm in hell!" Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?" Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
  Satan: "Well you're going to love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca. And we don't worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway." Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!" Satan: "You a smoker?" Guy: "You better believe it!" Satan: "All right! You're going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"
  Guy: "Wow, that's awesome!" Satan: "I bet you like to gamble." Guy: "Why yes, as a matter of fact I do." Satan: "'Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow." Guy: "WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!" Satan: "You gay?" Guy: "Hell, no!" Satan: "Hm, you gonna hate Fridays then."
• Bubba is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for paying a prostitute for sex.
  
  "How do you plead?" asks the judge, to the defendant.
  
  "Not Guilty, your honor."
  
  Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds, "How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we have both the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged prostitute right here on tape?"
  
  "Easy," says Bubba, "I'll admit to the court that although I wasn't engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing another 'heinous' crime, gambling."
  
  "Gambling?" responds the prosecutor, "How so?"
  
  "Well you see," answers Bubba, "I went up to the young lady earlier that night as she was working in a topless bar and said to her, 'I'll bet you $200 that you don't get to have sex with me tonight'. That videotape is just footage of me losing the bet!"
• Poker Player and His Wife. A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report. "Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!" "OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."